It is great when the subconscious decides to share its wisdom. Last night on my radio program Intuitively Speaking, my guest, Hanakia Zedek, helped me recognize that there is something to “nothingness.”
It is in the nothingness where all potentiality exists, whether it is in us or out there in the universe. Out of what seems to be the nothingness of sleep came a series of dreams that were my response to the four questions I shared at the end of last night’s program.
Dream segment 1: A woman and a man are standing on the back of pontoon boat. Their hands are tied behind their backs.
In the dream I am an un-embodied observer. I can sense there is someone or something of power behind me. The intent of this power is to push the pair off the back of the boat. We are in the shallows of a river. There are reeds and bushes to our right. In front of us and to the left is the main current flowing gently along. It veers left out of sight behind tall evergreens.
My un-embodied self is concerned about being in the water without the use of my hands. Pressure begins to rise underneath the lower left part of my sternum by my heart. It increases as I look at the couple. They are discussing what to do. As I watch them the feeling in my heart expands.
I wake with the warm feeling still in my heart. Though I am worried for the couple, they seem to be okay. They know they will be all right. Thinking about their situation I realize that I, too, could manage. Next, I realize the sensation is love – for me, the couple, and the circumstances.
Lying there in bed I want to know more about these loving feelings.
Dream segment 2: As I drift back to sleep my other-than-conscious mind surfaces, sharing with me that I am ready to release the constraints of previous thoughts and feelings. It is possible to see from a larger more expanded view that is why I am the observer in the dream. I am heart-centered, caring, and compassionate. I can let go of what no longer serves me. I understand that this couple with bound hands are not helpful; they represent the limitations of my past. The couple will float away on the gentle current and everything is drenched in the warm embrace of the sun. It feels right ? the day, the time, the actions. It is time to let them go. Freedom lies ahead!
I wake again feeling peaceful. Letting go has always been a difficult step for me. In my family of origin my mom and dad would hold grudges and use the perceived slights as ammunition in their arguments. I tried not to be like that. Over the years, however, I discovered that I have behaved like that all too often. And others have pointed out to me that I am self-critical, too.
Just maybe I could be kinder and not so critical and judgmental. I want to let go of this nonproductive behavior that binds me. My heart swells with appreciation and love. Then I remember on Saturday, while skiing the American Birkebeiner cross-country ski race, as my lungs strained to bring in oxygen on the up hills I was tempted my to badger myself for being weak and ill prepared. Ordinarily, I would damn myself for being unprepared, inept, and slow. Instead I repeated to myself, I love you Cheryl Marie Hiltibran. I love all of you, every muscle, every bone, every fiber. I love you.
Dream segment 3: Once again the dream world enveloped me, and there I am riding a bicycle to the finish of the American Birkebeiner. The snow was melting. A couple is accompanying me to the finish line. Suddenly and unexpectedly my bowels release a small stool. At first, I enjoy the relief and inner comfort that comes from letting it go. Then came the inner embarrassment of unexpectedly pooping on my bike seat.
It is time to stow the bike and walk to the finish line. We can see people coming up Hayward’s main street to the finish line. I am wearing a beige dress with a full skirt. As I get off the bike I wipe away the feces hoping that if my skirt is stained it is hidden in the gathers. The couple with me seem not to care. We are intent on giving encouragement to those who are coming in. To each of them it is still a sweet finish because it is theirs. Each one of them is happy to have arrived!
I wake again and smile at the simplicity of this “letting go” dream. So often I cannot find a toilet. This time I just let it – the past – go. After all, it was a small thing and was easily cleaned up. I could even continue doing what I was doing. The “waste” from the past was no longer the focus.
Not worrying about the past will help me be more fully present. I am happy and relieved. Once again my heart warms with these thoughts.
I love how the dreams connected me to my higher self, the observer, who could respond quickly and honestly to the questions I posed on my Intuitively Speaking radio program. My dream sequence gave me the understanding that I can:
My heart is still warm and soft with love from by my new perspective. As I love myself with greater deep and breadth, I know I can be more loving to others.
Out of the nothingness of sleep came dreams that gifted me with a new perspective. I have a deeper understanding that I can love and accept myself even if I am imperfect
Thank you, Hanakia, for being on Intuitively Speaking and gently challenging my current beliefs. I will explore more of the nothingness because you graciously reminded me that it is important to life. I want more experiences of dreams awakening me to life! Oh, and thank you, Cheryl, for coming up with the questions that triggered the dreams!
What have you discovered?